Two weeks ago I sat in my doctors office after my ultra sound patiently awaiting her arrival to tell me everything looked fine and I could be on with my day. When she came in the room and told me "baby looks good" there was a different tone in her voice. I could tell there was a "but" coming shortly after that sentence. "But baby is very big, in the 95% for growth right now and his stomach is measuring bigger than we like to see." I had no idea what this meant. About five weeks prior I had passed my gestational diabetes test so when she told me I would be going home with a diabetic kit to prick my finger 4 times a day and monitor by blood sugar levels for the next week, I felt bummed and discouraged to say the least. She said "everything will probably be fine but we rather be safe and monitor you until we see you back here next week to read the results." I'm a massive baby and hate needles so just the thought of pricking my finger had me in tears. I remember back to that time as a kid when I had to get that test done and it hurt so bad I'm pretty sure I have been traumatized ever since at the thought of having to draw blood from my finger. "Suck it up Vaness, you're a big girl and will be pushing a baby out of your body in no time so if you can't handle a little prick 4 times a day, you're in serious trouble." Is what I kept telling myself as I walked to my car.
Dang-it! I knew it had been too good to be true for me this entire pregnancy with no nausea and just slight depression. I got in my car and started crying. I felt like I had failed and that I was already hurting my child and I'm not even a real life parent yet. When I had asked the doctor what can happen to the baby when you have gestational diabetes, I only heard one thing she said and it sent me into a tailspin and I couldn't calm myself down. "Although it is extremely rare, still birth can happen" and from that moment on, I knew I had to make serious changes. The only issue is, I eat so healthy already, I didn't know what to cut out and what was okay to eat so I had no idea where to begin. I felt so alone sitting in my car in Nashville far away from my mom who I wanted to crawl up to and be held by and cry like the big baby I am. NOPE can't do that now that I'm a real life grown up and a 4 hour plane ride away from my mommy. I called my husband and thank God he is the calm in every one of my storms. He talked me off the ledge. I still didn't feel great or at ease. I also didn't want to read anything online because I find all the fears and negativity people share online to be so damaging for my anxiety.
We were on our trip to Telluride this past weekend and it wasn't until a woman who before this weekend was a stranger to me, asked me "how are you doing?" Instead of saying "great" and putting on a happy face so I wouldn't have to be vulnerable with her, I looked at her and said with sad eyes "I'm hanging in there, I'm not feeling great at the moment and it could be because my doctor thinks I may have gestational diabetes." I started to feel myself holding back tears. She came right back with "Oh my God, one of my best friends had it with both her kids and everything turned out fine. I'll connect you two." I learned right there in that moment yet again, the power of speaking your truth and not trying to hide what is going on is detrimental. Had I not spoke up and shared how I was really doing, I never would have spoke to the only woman who has been able to ease my mind.
As soon as I returned home I had my follow up doctors appointment and sure enough after reading my levels from the past week the doctor diagnosed me with gestational diabetes. I knew I had it because I read my numbers myself every day and they were sky high. I started crying in her office and asked as many questions as I could rememer to ask which was maybe two. I was in shock. I guess I thought by some miracle she would tell me I didn't have it. She said she was worried about my fasting levels and I would probably need to go on medicine but that diet will really help control the issue. She told me how important it was that I followed a very strict diet and how important it was for me to count my carbohydrates all day. Again I left feeling alone and lost at where to even begin when I'm already gluten free and don't eat bad foods.
I cried the entire drive home and then pulled it together like the big girl I know I can be, and called the woman who my new friend from Telluride suggested I call. Within the first five minutes of our conversation I already felt at ease. She was blunt and positive and that is exactly what I needed. Telling me to look at this as a positive and explaining all the reasons why. She shared her pinterest board with me that had healthy recipes and snack ideas. She said "trust me this is a blessing in disguise, it may not seem that way now but it is." She had it with both her kids and was forced to eat extremely healthy and it helped her to only gain the weight that was necessary for baby. She felt better through the whole pregnancy and knew she was giving her baby all the proper nutrients. She was able to drop the weight real quick and both her kids were healthy, beautiful babies. She explained to me that she loved being diagnosed because it meant she knew they would induce her early and she would have time to get her nails done, shower, put makeup on and be off to the hospital looking good without having to guess when baby was coming and how the whole process would work. That made me laugh but I needed to hear that and that is so me! I'd love to be able to have makeup on and my nails done before I go into labor! I liked the sound of all of this because for me I am wondering at any moment if I could go into labor and have been living in fear of what that will look like when the time comes and at least having a little bit more of a plan, sets my mind at ease. I also felt understood and I think more than anything that is what I was looking for. I have felt sick every single time I put anything in my mouth from an egg to a raspberry. I didn't realize until I was diagnosed how important food combining is and learned I wasn't eating enough protein with my carbs or fat with my proteins! I am on the mend, not fully there yet, but I am trying to stay very positive and reach out to any woman who have been through it before me for tips, advice, and yummy safe recipes. If you have recently been diagnosed with gestational diabetes and feel alone, please feel free to email me. I'm no doctor and have nothing but suggestions of what has worked for me since I found out and I would love to connect with woman who have been through this before and can offer strength and hope!
Big tip: If you have just found out you have GD..... DON'T EAT FRUIT IN THE MORNING! I have been eating fruit all day since it's what I crave. No bueno! You can eat it but later in the day and stick with berries only. Be sure to mix with plain yogurt to add the fat. Only 1 cup of berries on top of 1 cup of plain Greek yogurt! The body has a very hard time processing fruit in the morning.